Warning: Do not consult your doctor about using any of these solutions. Especially if your doctor is Mehmet Oz. He is an idiot.
1) Hardcore neti pot action.
2) Wild Cherry Ludens.
Because why would you fuck around with any other flavor when your throat feels like Mount Doom whenever you swallow? When you were a kid, you would eat these suckers even when you weren't sick. Why kid yourself that you like honey licorice or menthol Halls when you have
CHERRY LUDENS. 90 OF THEM. JUST FOR YOU. ADULT.
3) Medicine.
4) John Wayne.
He'll fix your wagon while you fall asleep from all the medicine you took.
5) Old friends.
To help you watch TV, cook food, and distract you from the fact that you cannot breathe without the aid of hydrochloric acid.
6) Bob Ross.
Let his soothing voice lull you into a fitful sleep.
