Lately, I have been sorely missing my dear Jon and Stephen banter. I am ready to bust out my Indecision 2008 DVD box set and watch the old timey nostalgia unfold. Remember when it was just McCain and Palin against Obama? That was a magical time. This Biff vs. Clinton disgrace makes '08 seem perfectly reasonable. Man, we thought it was intensely ridiculous then... How would Jon and Stephen handle election night coverage now? *heavy sigh*
Anyway, here's some more adorable repartee between my favorites.
"A Bit of Stew and Colb Redux" June 2, 2008
This morning, while Jon and I sit in the nook sipping coffee and tea and munching bagels while reading the paper, Stephen finds us. “I saw it last night,” Stephen says. Jon and I look up from reading and see Stephen standing by the table, arms crossed, eyes serious and dignified as if he weren’t only wearing a white t-shirt and his “I Heart USA” boxers. Jon shrugs. “Saw what?” Stephen purses his lips. “Your interview... with Denis.” Jon takes a deep breath and holds it for a second. Their gazes lock and I watch with a sudden unsure anxiety. Jon scratches his head. “Did you umm... approve?” “Oh it was funny,” Stephen says, face tense with sarcasm, voice fluttering. As Jon hangs his head, Stephen takes a few breaths and calms a bit. “Absolutely hysterical. It looked like you custom crafted that banter for her pure pleasure.” They both glance at me, and I just hide back behind my paper. Stephen sighs. “I thought we had something, Jon.” “We do have something, my friend-” “Oh don’t give me that ‘my friend’ crapola,” Stephen says, narrowing his eyes menacingly. “I see what that phrase is worth. Everyone’s your friend.” Stephen points at me. “Even a crazy audience member who asks you to spin her driedel on air is your friend.” They both stare at me again, but I just keep my nose down even though I am still eternally proud of my Yid-themed moment in the sun. “There was so much snickering and giggling and grabbing and talking about dildoes! You and Denis are shameless! SHAMELESS! It’s sickening how adorable you two can get!” Jon shakes his head. “Stephen, Denis and I don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, so of course our behavior for the few minutes we do get to hang out is full of... intimate moments. You and I, we have those moments everyday and I’m eternally grateful for that, but you must understand that I love you no matter how much time we spend together, no matter how much we give each other a chance to be sick of each other.” For this entire monologue, Stephen breathes rapidly through his nostrils, eyes locked on Jon’s pleading face, then at the end, he softens and weepily says, “You really think we love each other enough to get to that point?” Jon nods and smiles. “I have gotten sick of you on occasion. And I’m sure some people think it’s disgusting how sweet we are on each other. Right, Caity?” I look up and nod vehemently. Stephen sniffles, wiping his nose on his arm as he grins. “I’m sick of you too!” Jon pushes back from the table and stands up, then walks over to Stephen and places his hands on Stephen’s shoulders. He musters his most sincere expression and gently whispers, “You make me nauseous, Stephen.” Stephen smile-sobs and pulls himself into Jon’s embrace. They stand there, squeezing the bejesus out of each other for a bit, Jon gently petting Stephen’s back. I sigh and let my heart melt, and curse myself for not having a camera on me at any of the best Kodak moments.