My partner in OTG criteria curation, Annie, recently posed a new category by which we can distinguish ourselves from the millennials: home cooking kits.
Like so many people my age listening to podcasts, my ears have been barraged with adverts for getting 20% off your first order of Blue Apron, Plated, Hello Fresh or even shit like Graze and Naturebox (because apparently, I cannot even be expected to find decent snack food in the traditional way). All these good folks promise to make home cooking easy as fuck by taking the entire grocery store trip out of the experience, and send you fresh food that is pre-measured and includes photo-enriched instructions for recipes that feature semi-adventurous ingredients inspired by ethnic palates.
OK, first let me say that civilization has already attempted to excise the hunter/gatherer instinct by reducing our foraging to a single, simple location, i.e. your local Publix or whatever. So I guess that's too much work now? Personally, I love going grocery shopping because, well, it's food, and I NEVER second guess my purchases because I NEED TO eat, unlike at Target, where I DON'T NEED yet another ribbed tank top or Starbucks tree ornaments but somehow they end up in my cart anyways (I don't even drink coffee, so congrats, Starbucks, on your frankly badass marketing department for making me covet your precious shit).
Second, most of the semi-adventurous ingredients for your ethnic nosh needs are already at your damned grocery store, you just have to go there enough to be familiar with where they keep things like goat cheese, fennel, hot chili oil, guava paste, coconut milk, cardamom, and gefilte fish.
Finally... OMG you can't even figure out how to use measuring cups?! With all the emphasis amongst millennials for purchasing amazing unitasking kitchen gadgets, you can't even be bothered to bust out your adorable set of overpriced nesting teaspoons shaped like woodland animals (including the owl)? COME ON. If THAT doesn't motivate you to cook, what will?
Now, hold up. That's a lot of ire up there, I know. I do in fact get that this service appeals to more than just lazy bastards with a modicum of expendable income, e.g. young professionals who LIKE TO COOK but have zero time to crack open a cookbook, make a list, or push a cart up and down aisles for a little while. I bet there are even older individuals who genuinely wish to expand their cooking repertoire. Or people who have never cooked before and want to learn.
You know, that's all fine. Go for it. But I sincerely hope all of you end up loving food so much that you grow a set and discover the joy of shredding cheese, pouring milk into a Pyrex, choosing your own veggies, and always having a can of tahini around in case you feel like making hummus if only for the opportunity to watch chickpeas spin into the oblivion that is your existential crisis.
