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  • Caitlin

The UK is a parallel universe and no one can convince me otherwise


I think pretty much every American has a little anglophilia in them. In fact, King George might not have gone so mad if he knew that in a few hundred years, so many of the Colonists would be obsessed with all things BRITISH. Especially tea. I mean, we broke up over tea, and now we pay extra for the imported PG Tips and Yorkshire set aside in a special foreign section of Publix.

So, having visited the Angle-Land for extended periods, I felt I'd do well to prepare future visitors for the strange disorienting experience of shopping there. If there's one experience that proves a certain cultural through-line that connects us across the pond, it's buying shit. There are several things that are so close in function and appearance that one would swear they shared consumerism DNA, and some things that are just off enough that if you woke up there, you'd literally think you accidentally snored your way into an alternate dimension.

Here are just a few of my favorites:

Of course, these are now the same damn company, and no English-speaking person can escape the BIG BOX HELLHOLE OF DOOM

These, also, come from the same company, obviously, with the very important difference being, PRAWN CRISPS ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST FLAVOR OF CRISPS ON THE PLANET. See how the one on the right is heart-shaped? That's because it is full of love. Jay sent me that photo specifically because he knows I love prawn crisps and he loves me. BTW, they do not contain any prawn whatsoever.

Exactly as it says on the tin: stores dedicated to all the cheap crap your hard-earned single monetary unit can buy. But Dollar Stores are cheaper because, well, the the pound sterling is stronger than the dollar (although since Brexit, not by much).

If you ever crave fast handheld pockets of vaguely meat-like filling for a few cents/pence that will require a side of Tums/Rennie, you're covered.

This is the best one. I am not even kidding you. It's not photoshopped. I've been to TK Maxx. It is actually slightly better because they have higher-class brands than us (Westwood, for Jebus' sake!)

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