This is the best spin-off show of Julius Caesar that anyone could have imagined. It's ripe with soap opera drama. It begins years after the big ASSASSINATION of Julius. Cassius and Brutus are long gone, but they live on as a cautionary tale to the three surviving rulers. The seductive Egyptian Queen descended from famous Macedonians gave birth to Caesar's love child and Caesar's best buddy Antony had three kids with her and they're always throwing lavish parties in uber-cosmopolitan Alexandria, which makes Rome look like a redneck backwater. Meanwhile, Octavius, Caesar's named heir, is ruling the rest of the known world with Lepidus and they're both disappointed (and definitely jealous) with how Antony's been carrying on down in Egypt. It's a rumble of the triumvirs and it's juicy as hell. If you drink every time this play mentions wine or feasts, you will die before the end. I've got cocktail inspiration for sure.
Antony and Cleopatra famously showcases the most singularly clever and powerful female character in all of Shakespeare's oeuvre. Our Queen Cleo is world famous without Old Billy's treatment, but he surely captures her unmatched spirit and gives is a local habitation and a name. She and Antony are well-matched, not only sexually and politically, but in their shared love of life, which takes precedence over pretty much everything else. This ultimately leads to Antony's downfall in the eyes of his fellow Romans, who value the expansion of their empire and winning battles more than life itself. Where the tragedy lies, however, depends on how one interprets the text.
Historically, people have seen Antony's lust clouding his otherwise good judgement, because you know, men and their never-ending desire to conquer everything. Over time, and in our modern era, people are more apt to see this is a tragedy of lovers who have a tremendously moving and provocative romance that ends at the hand of warmongering forces. Kinda like Casablanca. If it weren't for all these sea battles, our love could amount to more than a hill of beans in this crazy world.
It's also a tragedy of personality. Here are these two eminently charismatic individuals, drawn and locked together in a mutual embrace of life's pleasures, who are so renowned that they fall victim to their own image, and must, to some degree, always act like the outward visage they have built up of themselves, even if their souls are struggling to surface. These two celebrate in the same manner as they grieve: with Bacchanalia. When Antony wins a battle, they feast. When he loses, they feast even more. It's a sign of possible underlying mental issues, and I feel for them.
For my part, it's a fucking pleasure to behold a perfect example of female/male equality in Shakespeare for once. If Goddard is right and every character in this play is one color band revealing itself through the prism of Shakespeare after the white light of Hamlet shines through, Cleopatra is more than a single band. She's at least the indigo and the ultraviolet on the spectrum. She's awesomesauce. Antony is the red and the infrared. Altogether, this play contains the multitudes of Hamlet himself, and it's great fun to see the rainbows cast all over the stage.
ACT I
A couple of Antony's buddies, Demetrius and Philo, talk shit about Antony and how he's lost his taste for war because he's too busy fooling around with Cleopatra. Speak of the devil! Antony and Cleopatra enter, carousing merrily (DRINK!) until a messenger arrives with news for Antony. They ignore him and continue to fawn over each other and Antony tells the Messenger to go away so he can be with his love:
Let Rome in Tiber melt, and the wide arch
Of the ranged empire fall! Here is my space.
Kingdoms are clay: our dungy earth alike
Feeds beast as man: the nobleness of life
Is to do thus; when such a mutual pair
[Embracing]
And such a twain can do't, in which I bind,
On pain of punishment, the world to weet
We stand up peerless.
Antony's friends think he's mad but they're fine with partying with them so it's all good.
Later, Enobarbus is hanging out with Cleopatra's ladies, Charmian, Iras, and her eunuch, Mardian as they all beg a Soothsayer to read their fortunes. The Soothsayer reveals to Charmian that she will "outlive the lady whom you serve" and Charmian blithely says "O excellent! I love long life better than figs." Mmm figs. More fortunes are read until Cleopatra comes in looking for Antony. She leaves just as Antony comes in, the Messenger delivering his news about the armies Octavius Caesar has been leading, OH and also Fulvia, Antony's wife, has died. This touches Antony as he reads the letter about it. Enobarbus comes in and Antony says he must leave to attend to Roman matters. Enobarbus says Cleopatra will die of this news, as she misses him terribly even they are separated for a few minutes:
I do think there is
mettle in death, which commits some loving act upon
her, she hath such a celerity in dying.
Ultimate drama queen EVER.
Antony says he must leave because Fulvia has died and Enobarbus shrugs and thinks this good news for Antony, as he's in love with Cleopatra anyway. Antony says he absolutely must leave anyway, due to the crap going down between Octavius and Pompey.
Cleopatra wanders around, looking for Antony, and when he enters she pretends to be sick and troubled as he tries to get a word in edgewise about his plans. He finally spills about the battles he must attend to and his wife's death. She sarcastically asks where his tears are, and wonders if he will grieve similarly for her if she dies. She seductively attempts to convince him to stay but he insists that he wishes he could stay but must do his duties and will come back soon.
Octavius reads a letter with news about Antony and his endless schmoozing and debauchery with Cleopatra (DRINK!). One wonders if he had seen Antony's Instagram posts and suddenly felt serious FOMO and that's why he's sour. A Messenger comes and says that Pompey is gaining strength at sea because some pirates, Menecrates and Menas, are fighting for him. Octavius whines about how Antony used to have a mind and heart for war, but has lost his brains to his loins lately:
Leave thy lascivious wassails. When thou once
Wast beaten from Modena, where thou slew'st
Hirtius and Pansa, consuls, at thy heel
Did famine follow; whom thou fought'st against,
Though daintily brought up, with patience more
Than savages could suffer: thou didst drink
The stale of horses, and the gilded puddle
Which beasts would cough at: thy palate then did deign
The roughest berry on the rudest hedge;
Yea, like the stag, when snow the pasture sheets,
The barks of trees thou browsed'st; on the Alps
It is reported thou didst eat strange flesh,
Which some did die to look on: and all this--
It wounds thine honour that I speak it now--
Was borne so like a soldier, that thy cheek
So much as lank'd not.
Back in Egypt, Cleopatra is just dying without Antony by her side, and like a lovesick teenager, wonders aloud what her boyfriend is doing:
Where think'st thou he is now? Stands he, or sits he?
Or does he walk? or is he on his horse?
O happy horse, to bear the weight of Antony!
Do bravely, horse! for wot'st thou whom thou movest?
The demi-Atlas of this earth, the arm
And burgonet of men. He's speaking now,
Or murmuring 'Where's my serpent of old Nile?'
For so he calls me: now I feed myself
With most delicious poison.
No doubt she'd be all up in his DMs at all hours.
Alexas comes from Antony, and Cleopatra interrogates him about Antony's mood when he left and if the twenty messengers are on their way to Antony. Cleopatra immediately fetches ink and paper to write another love note, because why not.
Who's born that day
When I forget to send to Antony,
Shall die a beggar.
Charmian praises Caesar and Cleopatra snipes at her, because how dare she compare anyone to her perfect Antony.
ACT II
Pompey, Menecrates and Menas discuss their situation in Messina. Menecrates drops some knowledge:
We, ignorant of ourselves,
Beg often our own harms, which the wise powers
Deny us for our good; so find we profit
By losing of our prayers.
Pompey is sure they are going to win the whole world because Lepidus and Octavius are busy trying to goad Antony out of Cleopatra's lap:
I know they are in Rome together,
Looking for Antony. But all the charms of love,
Salt Cleopatra, soften thy waned lip!
Let witchcraft join with beauty, lust with both!
Tie up the libertine in a field of feasts,
Keep his brain fuming; Epicurean cooks
Sharpen with cloyless sauce his appetite;
That sleep and feeding may prorogue his honour
Even till a Lethe'd dulness!
Varrius reports that Antony has actually gotten off his ass and is heading to Rome as they speak, which could leave an opening for them in Egypt, but at the very least, is proof of the enmity among the three triumvirs.
Octavius, Antony, and Lepidus get together with Enobarbus and Agrippa and some other dudes in Rome. Octavius mentions that “Um yeah hey Antony your bro and your wife tried to fight me WTF is that about?” Antony shrugs and says “Fulvia was a wild horse, lemme tell you.” Octavius asks why Antony ignored his letters and Antony says he was busy partying but he got to them the next morning no problem. Octavius is about to lose it, and Lepidus calms him. Antony admits he was wrong. Agrippa suggests that Octavius bequeath his sister Octavia to Antony, now that he’s a widower, so they can all be friends.
Don't you just love manlogic?
Octavius and Antony shake on their deal and they get down to the Pompey business, leaving Enobarbus to schmooze with his buddies Mecaenas and Agrippa. Enobarbus doesn’t waste any time telling them all the juicy details surrounding life in Egypt and how sexy Cleopatra is:
I will tell you.
The barge she sat in, like a burnish'd throne,
Burn'd on the water: the poop was beaten gold;
Purple the sails, and so perfumed that
The winds were love-sick with them; the oars were silver,
Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made
The water which they beat to follow faster,
As amorous of their strokes. For her own person,
It beggar'd all description: she did lie
In her pavilion--cloth-of-gold of tissue--
O'er-picturing that Venus where we see
The fancy outwork nature: on each side her
Stood pretty dimpled boys, like smiling Cupids,
With divers-colour'd fans, whose wind did seem
To glow the delicate cheeks which they did cool,
And what they undid did…
Her gentlewomen, like the Nereides,
So many mermaids, tended her i' the eyes,
And made their bends adornings: at the helm
A seeming mermaid steers: the silken tackle
Swell with the touches of those flower-soft hands,
That yarely frame the office. From the barge
A strange invisible perfume hits the sense
Of the adjacent wharfs. The city cast
Her people out upon her; and Antony,
Enthroned i' the market-place, did sit alone,
Whistling to the air; which, but for vacancy,
Had gone to gaze on Cleopatra too,
And made a gap in nature.
She’s a fucking GODDESS.
Enobarbus is sure Antony will not give her up even after he weds Octavia:
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety: other women cloy
The appetites they feed: but she makes hungry
Where most she satisfies; for vilest things
Become themselves in her: that the holy priests
Bless her when she is riggish.
Ugh to be such a QUEEN. She is the ultimate.
Octavius officially hands over Octavia to Antony and then Antony confers with his Soothsayer about the matter. He says that Antony should get his ass back to Egypt because when he’s around Octavius, there is danger.
O Antony, stay not by his side:
Thy demon, that's thy spirit which keeps thee, is
Noble, courageous high, unmatchable,
Where Caesar's is not; but, near him, thy angel
Becomes a fear, as being o'erpower'd: therefore
Make space enough between you.
Antony considers this, then calls for Ventidius and tells him to head to Parthia.
Lepidus gives a friendly farewell to Agrippa and Mecaenas as they split up for different commissions.
Back in Alexandria, Cleopatra is bored of all her lounging around waiting for Antony and brags to Charmian, Iras, and Alexas about how well she’s caught Antony in her grip. She laughs about the wild nights she’s spent with Antony, living it up and goofing off. A Messenger comes and she begs him with gold to give her good news, but he is barely able to speak due to her maddening interruptions. He finally says that Antony is married to Octavia and she dies inside and rails on the Messenger, beating him senseless for merely telling her the truth. She gives in and orders everyone to report back to her on Octavia’s looks so she knows what she’s up against. She proves her Drama Queen status as she grows faint and asks Charmian to lead her away.
Pompey, with his pirate Menas, meet up with Antony, Lepidus, and Octavius and their guys to discuss a treaty. They peacefully agree upon terms for Pompey to keep Sicily and Sardina, granted that he rid the area of pirates. Pompey invites the men into his galley and they proceed to get absofuckinglutely snockered (DRINK!).
Enobarbus stays behind to chat with Menas and they wonder what will come of this whole Antony and Cleopatra situation now that Octavia is in the picture. Enobarbus knows well enough:
He will to his Egyptian dish again: then shall the
sighs of Octavia blow the fire up in Caesar; and, as
I said before, that which is the strength of their
amity shall prove the immediate author of their
variance. Antony will use his affection where it is:
he married but his occasion here.
In Pompey’s galley, the party is well underway. Some servants comment on how blitzed everybody is getting (DRINK). Antony regales everyone with stories about how the Nile floods work and slurs about the strange serpents and crocodiles in Egypt. Menas, who is teetotaling, takes this opportunity to pull Pompey aside and suggest slaying these drunkards and just take over the world:
These three world-sharers, these competitors,
Are in thy vessel: let me cut the cable;
And, when we are put off, fall to their throats:
All there is thine.
Pompey says that "in me 'tis villany, In thee't had been good service" and that Menas shouldn't have brought it up until after he had done it, so they might as well just "Desist, and drink."
Desist and drink is my Saturday afternoon mantra for sure.
Menas rolls his eyes and says he won't help a man who won't help himself. Lepidus gets so wasted he must be carried off and Antony toasts to Octavius just so the evening can "ripen" into an "Alexandrian feast." They all sing and dance to Bacchus:
Come, thou monarch of the vine,
Plumpy Bacchus with pink eyne!
In thy fats our cares be drown'd,
With thy grapes our hairs be crown'd:
Cup us, till the world go round,
Cup us, till the world go round!
They all stumble about, still drinking like the frat boys they are. (DRINK)
ACT III
This entire Act is a litany of short scenes with battles and war and shit.
In Syria, Ventidius defeats Parthia for Antony.
While Lepidus nurses his massive hangover, Octavius bids a fond farewell to Antony and Octavia as they leave Rome:
Most noble Antony,
Let not the piece of virtue, which is set
Betwixt us as the cement of our love,
To keep it builded, be the ram to batter
The fortress of it; for better might we
Have loved without this mean, if on both parts
This be not cherish'd.
Agrippa and Enobarbus whisper in asides to each other about how Antony wept over Cassius and Brutus in the last battles he fought. They wonder how he will fare in the future. Clearly, Antony has regrets about how he started his political career. Perhaps that's why he's so apt to just love partying so much?
In Alexandria, Cleopatra receives word on what Octavia looks like, and she is glad to hear that she is way more dowdy than this Egyptian goddess.
In Athens, Antony frets about how Octavius insulted him by breaking the treaty with Pompey. His gentle new wife(who doesn't deserve this ridiculous marriage) tries to calm him, saying she will go to her brother and see WTF is going on with her bro.
Enobarbus gossips with Eros, saying Lepidus has been overthrown by Octavius and Pompey is soundly beaten. Now Antony and Octavius must duke it out.
Octavius fumes over how Antony and Cleopatra have enthroned themselves in Egypt and have gathered a whole load of Kings and leaders in Africa and Arabia and whatnot as their allies. Octavia arrives and her bro is pissed that she hasn’t come with all the pomp and circumstance that Caesar’s sister deserves. Octavius tells her that the adulterous Antony is no longer in Athens but has gone back to Egypt to be with Cleopatra. Nice job, guys.
At Antony’s camp near Actium, Enobarbus tells Cleopatra that she shouldn’t be hanging out with Antony right now because she will distract him from his duties and she says that’s nonsense. Antony comes in wondering aloud about how quickly Caesar is moving and Cleopatra says “Celerity is never more admired Than by the negligent.” Antony gets it in his mind that they will attack Octavius by sea and Cleopatra encourages him because she has loads of ships but Enobarbus says this is a terrible idea, as they are clearly stronger on land. A Messenger brings news of Octavius’ victory in Toryne, and a lowly soldier begs Antony not to fight by sea but he doesn’t listen.
Octavius gives orders to keep fighting by sea before they move to the land.
Antony barks orders at Enobarbus.
Enobarbus reports on the losing battle and how Cleopatra fled with Antony on her heels.
In Alexandria, a bruised Antony sulks:
Hark! the land bids me tread no more upon't;
It is ashamed to bear me! Friends, come hither:
I am so lated in the world, that I
Have lost my way for ever: I have a ship
Laden with gold; take that, divide it; fly,
And make your peace with Caesar.
Cleopatra comes to see if she can bring a chill pill, saying she honestly didn't think he would follow after her, but he is enraged:
Egypt, thou knew'st too well
My heart was to thy rudder tied by the strings,
And thou shouldst tow me after
She begs forgiveness from him and despite a smoldering anger, he claims all he needs is a kiss from her... and some wine of course. (DRINK)
Antony sends his schoolmaster to speak with Octavius, asking that he be allowed to live in Egypt or Athens as a private man and also Cleopatra will submit to his power. Octavius says Antony is batshit but he will listen to Cleopatra if she drives Antony out of Egypt or kills him, whichever is easiest.
Cleopatra and Enobarbus hash out what needs to happen next. He says “Think and die.” Oh great, thanks a lot, Enobarbus. Antony says he will face Octavius “sword against sword.” Enobarbus, who doubts his loyalty to Antony, rolls his eyes, saying
I see men's judgments are
A parcel of their fortunes; and things outward
Do draw the inward quality after them,
To suffer all alike.
Octavius sends word to Cleopatra that he knows she only submitted to Antony out of fear and not love (Ok, you tell yourself that). Cleopatra "agrees" and says she totally yields to Octavius’ will. Thidias, the messenger, kisses her hand and Antony comes in, his blood boiling, and sends Thidias to be whipped. Antony then rails at Cleopatra, monstrously despairing and asking Cleopatra if she will betray him. Surprised at his outburst, she says of course not, dumbass, I adore you. Antony believes her relaxes a bit. He calls all his men to party with him and his Queen before he goes to fight Octavius the next day:
Do so, we'll speak to them; and to-night I'll force
The wine peep through their scars. Come on, my queen;
There's sap in't yet. The next time I do fight,
I'll make death love me; for I will contend
Even with his pestilent scythe.
(DRINK)
Enobarbus has had enough of this insane Tony & Cleo business and promises to flee.
ACT IV
Octavius receives Antony’s challenge to fight and laughs it off.
Antony and Cleopatra gather their servants and propose a toast to their great feast before the battle. Enobarbus is still hanging around, wary of the proceedings. Antony moves everyone to tears with his speech:
Tend me to-night;
May be it is the period of your duty:
Haply you shall not see me more; or if,
A mangled shadow: perchance to-morrow
You'll serve another master. I look on you
As one that takes his leave. Mine honest friends,
I turn you not away; but, like a master
Married to your good service, stay till death:
Tend me to-night two hours, I ask no more,
And the gods yield you for't!
(DRINK)
Enobarbus whispers to him, wondering why he’s being so melancholy, and Antony changes his tone and says everything’s going to be fine: “You take me in too dolorous a sense.”
Outside Alexandria, a bunch of soldiers hear music coming from the ground or the air, and they all wander around saying that it must be the spirit of Hercules leaving Antony’s body. Like, whoa, dude. Put that on your gravestone and smoke it.
Antony wakes and Cleopatra assists him with his armor, but does a terrible job as an esquire. Yet, he calls her the “armourer of my heart.” He kisses her before he goes and Cleopatra worries about what will happen next.
At his camp, Antony is told that Enobarbus has fled to Octavius and Antony orders that all of Enobarbus’ treasure and effects be sent after him. Antony essentially accepts this, hoping that Enobarbus never finds reason to desert anyone again, adding “O, my fortunes have Corrupted honest men!”
Octavius readies for the fight. Enobarbus talks to himself about how Alexas got hanged for deserting, and when his treasure is given to him, his heart is so broken by his own treachery that he knows he must go find a ditch in which to die. At least he knows his place.
Antony drags a wounded Scarus around, and they soon realize that they have won the victory over Octavius.
Returning to Alexandria, Antony thanks his soldiers for their bravery. Cleopatra finds him and is relived and grateful that he has returned alive. Antony proposes a grand celebration (with more wine of course).
(DRINK)
Near Octavius’s camp, some soldiers look on as Enobarbus repents his sins as he dies:
O sovereign mistress of true melancholy,
The poisonous damp of night disponge upon me,
That life, a very rebel to my will,
May hang no longer on me: throw my heart
Against the flint and hardness of my fault:
Which, being dried with grief, will break to powder,
And finish all foul thoughts. O Antony,
Nobler than my revolt is infamous,
Forgive me in thine own particular;
But let the world rank me in register
A master-leaver and a fugitive:
O Antony! O Antony!
Antony and Scarus plan for more battle while Octavius does the same. Scarus reports that “Swallows have built In Cleopatra's sails their nests” which is apparently a bad omen. Antony can hardly believe that his fleet has finally lost to Octavius.
O sun, thy uprise shall I see no more:
Fortune and Antony part here; even here
Do we shake hands. All come to this? The hearts
That spaniel'd me at heels, to whom I gave
Their wishes, do discandy, melt their sweets
On blossoming Caesar; and this pine is bark'd,
That overtopp'd them all. Betray'd I am:
O this false soul of Egypt! this grave charm,--
Whose eye beck'd forth my wars, and call'd them home;
Whose bosom was my crownet, my chief end,--
Like a right gipsy, hath, at fast and loose,
Beguiled me to the very heart of loss.
Cleopatra comes to him and he curses her alleged betrayal, saying Octavius can do with her as he likes. Heartbroken, Cleopatra runs off to her Charmian, who suggests she send word back to Antony that she has died, because “The soul and body rive not more in parting Than greatness going off.” Cleopatra agrees.
Antony, feeling rather philosophical, speaks to Eros and conjures some mindspace belonging to Hamlet:
Sometimes we see a cloud that's dragonish;
A vapour sometime like a bear or lion,
A tower'd citadel, a pendent rock,
A forked mountain, or blue promontory
With trees upon't, that nod unto the world,
And mock our eyes with air: thou hast seen
these signs;
They are black vesper's pageants....
Hamlet saw clouds shaped like a camel, a weasel, and one like a whale. The camel conjures the image of Egypt. Pliny the Elder said that weasels, fighting basilisks, die as nature fights its own self, as Antony seems to do. Pliny also reported on killer whales in the Mediterranean, which the Romans may have hunted into extinction. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. This drinking game is too hard.
That which is now a horse, even with a thought
The rack dislimns, and makes it indistinct,
As water is in water…
My good knave Eros, now thy captain is
Even such a body: here I am Antony:
Yet cannot hold this visible shape, my knave.
I made these wars for Egypt: and the queen,--
Whose heart I thought I had, for she had mine;
Which whilst it was mine had annex'd unto't
A million more, now lost,--she, Eros, has
Pack'd cards with Caesar, and false-play'd my glory
Unto an enemy's triumph.
Nay, weep not, gentle Eros; there is left us
Ourselves to end ourselves.
He curses Cleopatra again just as the messenger arrives to report her death, and that Antony’s name was the last thing on her lips. This finally breaks Antony’s heart (again):
I, that with my sword
Quarter'd the world, and o'er green Neptune's back
With ships made cities, condemn myself to lack
The courage of a woman; less noble mind
Than she which by her death our Caesar tells
'I am conqueror of myself.'
Antony tries to convince Eros to kill him. Eros at the last second cannot bring himself to do it and he kills himself instead, like all good Romans would. Antony praises Eros for doing what he could not himself, and falls upon his own sword. Antony’s guards find him and Diomedes reports how Cleopatra isn’t actually dead. They drag Antony off to find her.
Cleopatra is with Charmian, locked up in her monument, generally fretting:
All strange and terrible events are welcome,
But comforts we despise; our size of sorrow,
Proportion'd to our cause, must be as great
As that which makes it.
Diomedes enters, carrying Antony in, who is blearily going on about how he wins because he conquered himself before Caesar could. She asks the guards and her friends to help hoist Antony up into the monument, and with much effort, he finally enters her embrace. They argue as he lay dying:
ANTONY: I am dying, Egypt, dying:
Give me some wine, and let me speak a little.
CLEOPATRA: No, let me speak; and let me rail so high,
That the false housewife Fortune break her wheel,
Provoked by my offence.
Woman, he's dying FFS. (DRINK!)
But she is. of course, dying inside:
Noblest of men, woo't die?
Hast thou no care of me? shall I abide
In this dull world, which in thy absence is
No better than a sty? O, see, my women,
[MARK ANTONY dies]
The crown o' the earth doth melt. My lord!
O, wither'd is the garland of the war,
The soldier's pole is fall'n: young boys and girls
Are level now with men; the odds is gone,
And there is nothing left remarkable
Beneath the visiting moon.
[Faints]
Iras and Charmian wake her so she can lament further:
No more, but e'en a woman, and commanded
By such poor passion as the maid that milks
And does the meanest chares. It were for me
To throw my sceptre at the injurious gods;
To tell them that this world did equal theirs
Till they had stol'n our jewel. All's but naught;
Patience is sottish, and impatience does
Become a dog that's mad: then is it sin
To rush into the secret house of death,
Ere death dare come to us?
Let's do it after the high Roman fashion,
And make death proud to take us. Come, away:
This case of that huge spirit now is cold:
Ah, women, women! come; we have no friend
But resolution, and the briefest end.
Like, way to mourn your lover, right? She's about to get even more amazing.
ACT V
Octavius and his crew come to take over and Decretas brings him Antony's sword, saying he's dead by his own hand. Octavius says "The breaking of so great a thing should make A greater crack." Octavius and his dudes are clearly touched by this news. An Egyptian comes to say that Cleopatra is in her monument awaiting Octavius. Octavius says he will treat her well and with all due respect.
Cleopatra gets philosophical with Charmian, Iras, and Mardian:
My desolation does begin to make
A better life. 'Tis paltry to be Caesar;
Not being Fortune, he's but Fortune's knave,
A minister of her will: and it is great
To do that thing that ends all other deeds;
Which shackles accidents and bolts up change;
Which sleeps, and never palates more the dung,
The beggar's nurse and Caesar's.
Proculeius brings word from Octavius that they wish to know her wishes. She says if Octavius would leave her Egypt for her son, she'd be happy. He says that Octavius is overflowing with kindness right now and she says "I hourly learn A doctrine of obedience." Obedience to whom, she does not say, but it's either to her now dead lover or to her very self. A bunch of soldiers guard her and as she draws a dagger, Proculeius grabs her hand, telling her not to stab herself. She begs for death:
Sir, I will eat no meat, I'll not drink, sir;
If idle talk will once be necessary,
I'll not sleep neither: this mortal house I'll ruin,
Do Caesar what he can. Know, sir, that I
Will not wait pinion'd at your master's court;
Nor once be chastised with the sober eye
Of dull Octavia. Shall they hoist me up
And show me to the shouting varletry
Of censuring Rome? Rather a ditch in Egypt
Be gentle grave unto me! rather on Nilus' mud
Lay me stark naked, and let the water-flies
Blow me into abhorring! rather make
My country's high pyramides my gibbet,
And hang me up in chains!
Dolabella comes and sends Proculeius away, then asks Cleopatra what she wants from Octavius. She repeats that she'd like to die. She begins to describe the nonpareil Antony as if he were only a dream:
I dream'd there was an Emperor Antony:
O, such another sleep, that I might see
But such another man!
She goes on and Dolabella tries to snap her out of it. He says he feels her pain. She asks what Octavius will do with her and he reluctantly admits that he will show her off in front of the commoners, bragging about his triumph.
Octavius finally arrives and she kneels before him and the entire time she speaks to him, it's an act; she's really speaking to Antony's spirit. Octavius says that if she behaves, he will be fair but if she takes her life, Octavius will take Egypt from her children through their execution. She gives him a scroll listing all her treasury and hands over her treasurer to make account of it. Octavius appreciates her wisdom in her surrender. She continues to act as gracious as possible, saying she'll give gifts to Octavia and everything. Octavius heaps on the assurances that Cleopatra will be unharmed and cared for, then goes to his business.
Cleopatra says to her ladies "He words me, girls, he words me, that I should not Be noble to myself." Dolabella comes and, as he said he promised, gives her word on Octavius' present plans: journey to Syria with her and her children in three days' time. She thanks him and he leaves.
When everyone’s gone except Cleopatra and her peeps, she sighs and says
Now, Iras, what think'st thou?
Thou, an Egyptian puppet, shalt be shown
In Rome, as well as I mechanic slaves
With greasy aprons, rules, and hammers, shall
Uplift us to the view; in their thick breaths,
Rank of gross diet, shall be enclouded,
And forced to drink their vapour...
Nay, 'tis most certain, Iras: saucy lictors
Will catch at us, like strumpets; and scald rhymers
Ballad us out o' tune: the quick comedians
Extemporally will stage us, and present
Our Alexandrian revels; Antony
Shall be brought drunken forth, and I shall see
Some squeaking Cleopatra boy my greatness
I' the posture of a whore.
(DRINK)
Charmian shakes her head like “Bitch HELL to the NO NO NO.” Cleopatra ain’t nobody’s fool. Funny how she imagines Rome to be very much like England during King James' reign, having the playhouses putting on shows about famous political figures, with "some squeaking Cleopatra" (a boy in drag) playing her on stage.
She orders them to fetch her “best attires” for she needs to ready herself for meeting Antony at the River Cydnus again. Out of NOWHERE a Clown arrives with figs. FIGS. I'll take some figs right about now. The Guard leaves and Cleopatra asks if the Clown has brought the “pretty worm of the Nile.” He confirms this and warns that his bite is deadly. She says leave it to her and go away. He continues to warn her with innuendoes of “the worm” and wishes her “joy of the worm.” She asks “Will it eat me?” like a child would and sends the Clown out. Iras comes with her lady’s robe and crown and all her bling, and Cleopatra says
I have
Immortal longings in me: now no more
The juice of Egypt's grape shall moist this lip:
Yare, yare, good Iras; quick. Methinks I hear
Antony call; I see him rouse himself
To praise my noble act; I hear him mock
The luck of Caesar, which the gods give men
To excuse their after wrath: husband, I come:
Now to that name my courage prove my title!
I am fire and air; my other elements
I give to baser life.
She feels that in giving herself a “Roman” death she is finally worthy of the title of “wife” to her Antony. She kisses Iras and she dies immediately. Clearly Cleopatra has some mortal lip balm today. With Charmian weeping before her, Cleopatra then speaks to the worm
Come, thou
mortal wretch,
With thy sharp teeth this knot intrinsicate
Of life at once untie: poor venomous fool
Be angry, and dispatch. O, couldst thou speak,
That I might hear thee call great Caesar ass
Unpolicied!
Peace, peace!
Dost thou not see my baby at my breast,
That sucks the nurse asleep?
Cleopatra applies another asp to her arm, saying “What should I stay…”
OMG did she change her mind at the last second or whaaaaaat.
Guards come just as Charmian applies her own asp and promptly dies. Dolabella arrives to see all the dead ladies and calls Octavius to the scene. He comes and says
Bravest at the last,
She levell'd at our purposes, and, being royal,
Took her own way. The manner of their deaths?
I do not see them bleed.
The Guard explains that a Clown came with figs and they think they were all poisoned, but then they play CSI: Alexandria and check all the evidence for clues. They see that an “aspic” was used, and it makes total sense because they heard that Cleopatra was asking around about the easiest ways to die. Octavius then ends the play with sad final words:
She shall be buried by her Antony:
No grave upon the earth shall clip in it
A pair so famous. High events as these
Strike those that make them; and their story is
No less in pity than his glory which
Brought them to be lamented. Our army shall
In solemn show attend this funeral;
And then to Rome. Come, Dolabella, see
High order in this great solemnity.
(Pour some out for the dead).
OK, if you got this far, you've skipped some drinks. Good on you.
National Theatre live put on an excellent production in 2018, starring Sophie Okonedo and Ralph Fiennes, both of which we've enjoyed from other Shakespearean films. They are perfectly paired for this play, like wine and figs (DRINK!). Due to a time zone miscalculation on my part, I only got to watch half of it back in May, when they were doing their free Youtube streams, but it was enough of a taste for me to get really angry that I missed the rest of it. It was sexy and slick and stylish and everything you could want from a modern re-telling. And it was FUNNY. This play is actually meant to be over-the-top and downright hilarious at times (as if you haven't noticed), so it was fun to see. I just wanted to party down with them on their really spiffy spinning set with the built-in water feature and nice furnishings. 5 stars!
Next week is Timon of Athens which nobody knows and is supposed to be a real downer. Shakespeare really got dark in his later years, man. But I'm enjoying the Mediterranean flavor.