September 9, 2020. 11:50 am.
The Manse is empty save for three souls, two of which are happily in and around the pool. Sir Ken, in naught but his long swimming trunks and sunglasses, lounges on a chaise under a large blue umbrella, a hefty copy of Harold Bloom's The Invention of the Human propped in his lap. Alan is up to his shoulders in the water, mindfully humming as he diligently scrubs the pool tiles with a brush, slowly but surely making his way around the entire perimeter. The sun shines warmly, not satanically, and the breeze smells of confederate jasmine.
I step through the sliding glass door leading out of the kitchen, carrying a tall hurricane glass full of persimmon-colored adult beverage. As I set the drink down on the side table beside Ken, I stare at a small mass of brightly-colored fabric floating in the middle of the pool.
"What kind of jellyfish is that?" I ask.
Ken looks up from his book and smiles at me. "Oh, sorry, sweetheart, I didn't hear you," he says as he instantly sits up and takes off his shades, smiling up at me. "You' re like a bloody ninja." He notices the drink. "Oh, ta! That looks succulent."
I spot a very wet individual emerge from under the grotto's waterfall and I blink. "Is that--is that Alan Cumming scrubbing my pool? And with my kitchen brush?"
Ken glances over and nods, taking a quick sip of his cocktail. "You are correct, madam. He got here a bit ago. I'm surprised you didn't hear him bellyflop right in."
Alan wipes his soaking face and grins. "Ohhhh hullo there madam!" he says as he waves and begins swimming over toward our side of the pool. As he strokes quickly over, I notice his bare bum crest up in the water a few times. I give Ken the widest eyes possible and smirk.
Ken nods and drinks some more. "It was quite a splash."
"I'll say."
Alan reaches up toward me, and I reach my hand to him. He takes it and lays a big wet kiss on my open palm, grinning stupidly. "I hope you don't mind my taking the initiative to tidy up the tiles."
I grin back. "Are those your underpants floating over there?"
Alan glances over his shoulder and laughs. "Oh yes, guilty as charged! They slipped off when I leapt in a bit too enthusiastically. K Bran said you wouldn't mind."
I suppress a blush of happiness. "No, that's perfectly fine. Um... do you need anything?"
"Oh no, I'm quote chuffed at the moment, thanks. I'll just steal a quaff of Ken's potent potable over there."
Ken waves a finger. "Get your own, Alan. Caitlin made mine special for me."
Alan gives Ken the stink eye and shrugs. "That's what he thinks."
"OK!" I say, clapping my hands together. "Well, I'll be inside for a bit. I have a short appointment to attend to. Come and get me if I'm not back in half an hour."
Sir Ken grabs my other hand and pulls me down so he can give me a rum-sweet kiss on the neck. "Thank you, love. Have fun."
"I shall!"
Half an hour later...
"I wonder what's keeping Cait?" Sir Ken asks, closing his book and getting up off his bum.
Alan, who has taken up a chair beside Ken (and slipped back into his pants), sips the dregs of Ken's cocktail as quickly as possible and smacks his lips. "You're right. We must hunt her down and press her into mixing another one of these post haste."
The men call my name several times as they search the house, finally finding me lying on the floor of the office, still holding my hands to my chest, as if my heart were liable to bust out. My eyes are rolling back into my skull and my face is one big shiny smile. The computer is on, and the monitor is playing a video for the third time.
Sir Ken narrows his gaze for a moment, then realizes what I've been up to.
Alan takes only a second's time and concludes that "Oh for fuck's sake, we've walked in on her watching porn! Kenny, we should leave her be--"
"Calm down, calm down," Kenny says, kneeling down beside my supine body. He takes my hands in his and cocks his head as he smiles at me. "Was it as good as you hoped, love?"
I'm unresponsive, but blissed out AF.
Alan's face wrinkles. He waves his hands over my face and I don't even blink. "Lass, are you alright?" He looks up at Ken. "Is she seizing? Oh my god, we have to help her--"
"Shhhhhhh," Ken says, a little bubble of laughter on his nonexistant lips. "She's just watched that trailer. You know, the one for Dune. She's been waiting for 20 years for this. It's clearly blown her mind. That's all." Ken touches my cheek. "Isn't that right?"
Alan runs a hand through his moist hair and breathes a sigh of relief. "Ohhhh, of course! Yes, she's been tittering on about if for months. I get it now."
I suck in a huge breath and sit up, staring at the computer screen as the trailer begins to replay again. I grin and give them both a happy nod. "Madam is extremely squeed out," I say, clasping my hands to my heart. I reach up and pat each of them on the cheek. "This is gonna be world-shattering."
"Ovary-shattering at the very least," Alan adds.
I nod and turn to Ken. "Did you finish your drink? Want another?"
Alan hugs me tightly, saying "Yes, madam, please grace us with your tropical witch's brew!"
I pat his back as Ken helps me to stand up. My legs are wiggly and my heart is fluttery. I sigh heavily and blush. "Let's celebrate, then!"